DI’s Lucy Britner gets a little bit unladylike. Calm down dear!

I’ve got boobs. Thanks for noticing, drinks industry. I’ve got boobs therefore I need my own special drink. You’re right, drinks-makers, and thanks for the comforting pat on the head. Thank you for recognising that I am always on a diet; and lactose or wheat intolerant, depending on the weather; totally love all things pink – and yes, I am in fact from Venus...

In the past couple of months, the little ladies of the world have been treated to a plethora of lady-drinks to help make us feel special. First up, an over-sized perfume bottle filled with soft pink or pale peach 99% lactose- free cream liqueur Qream. Like Queen. Because that’s what we are, ladies – royalty.

And who is behind Qream? Well, Diageo is looking after the liquid but its partner is hip-hop star Pharrell Williams. Brilliant. Get a man to tell a woman what she needs to drink. Were Beyoncé and Christina too busy arranging flowers to take the call?


Pharrell also offered these pearls of wisdom in a press release: “Women make up half the population and Qream is about celebrating that power...”

What power? The power of being born? And, Diageo, what on earth does “a certain demographic of North American women” mean?

Pharrell and Diageo aren’t the only ones really hoping to annoy the ladies. Molson Coors has launched a clear-filtered, rosé or lemon- flavoured ‘beer’. Its PR was quoted as saying: “We need to repair the reputation of beer among women by launching products that meet their needs.”

Why not just called them alcopops? Come out and say it! Animée, as it’s called, seems to me to have absolutely nothing to do with beer and if you really want to “repair” a relationship, please treat drinkers with some respect.

If a man and a woman go out for dinner and the question of wine is raised, the debate is usually about which wine suits the weather, the food, the mood, the purse... Not about whether one is low-fat, lemon-flavoured or lactose-free. If drinks companies really do want consumers to have a mature attitude towards drinking, get beer to the dining table and command respect, they need to stop treating women like an alien species. Taste goes beyond gender and, besides, it really gets on my...