Blog: The Alternative Christmas Cake Recipe

Never let it be said that Drinks International doesn’t provide its subscribers and readers with a full service as regards the alcoholic drinks industry.

I attended the Marie Curie Cancer Care’s ‘Carols in the City Christmas Concert’ on Wednesday evening at Southwark Cathedral in London.

Actress/actor Patricia Hodge recited a Christmas Cake Recipe which was amusing and, I think, worth repeating.

Christmas Cake Recipe

8 fluid ounces of water

1 teaspoonful of baking soda

8 ounces of sugar

1 teaspoonful of salt

Half a pound of butter

8 ounces of brown sugar

1lb of flour

Lemon juice

4 large eggs


I bottle of vodka

I cup of dried fruit



First: Sample the vodka to check quality.

Take large bowl. Check the vodka again to be sure it is of the highest quality. Pour one level cup and drink.


Turn on the electric mixer. Beat the half pound of butter in a large fluffy bowl.

Add one teaspoonful of sugar. Beat again.

At this point it is best to make sure the vodka is still OK…

Try another cup…just in case.

Oh, turn on the mixerer.

Break 2 eggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the dried fruit.

Pick fruit off the floor.

Mix on the turnerer.

If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers, prise loose with the drewscriver.

Sample the vodka to check for tonsisticity.

Next, sift all the flour. Or something….

Who gives a hoot.

Check the vodka. Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts.

Add one table. Add a spoon of sugar or salt or som’ing…whatever you can find.

Ooh -  Grease the oven.

Turn the cake tin – 360 degrees  and try not to fall over.

Don’t forget to beat off the turner.

Finally, throw the bowl through the window, finish the vodka and kick the cat.

Fall into bed

Jolly good repicee.

Piece of cake….


Drinks International encourages moderate and responsible drinking and cake making.

Donations to: Marie Cure Cancer Care

Have a great Christmas!